When I was 21 years old, I ended one bad relationship and began another. The latter of which has left me with nothing but regret. I met Chimezie Ogbuji during the Fall of 1998. We began a relationship because I wanted to date someone outside of my usual range of preference in the hope of a better outcome than I'd had in my past relationships. He wasn't tall. He wasn't handsome. And he wasn't particularly athletic. Unlike the guys I'd tended to date, he was quiet and seemed to be much more reserved. I mistakenly took this to mean that he was engaged in his own thoughts. I now believe it was merely an indication of his inability to properly interact in a typical social situation. He was a brilliant writer, and did have a unique world view that I greatly appreciated. However, what I didn't see was that he lacked self -confidence and pretty much fell into a relationship with me because I was at the time emotionally damaged and extremely vulnerable. Years and years of abuse at home, school, and in my personal relationships had seemingly made me a perfect target for someone like Chimezie Ogbuji. Over the course of our relationship, he would verbally and physically abuse me. Mocking my family's lack of education, my mentally handicapped younger brother, and even the fact that I was a descendant of slaves. He would often time call me, "akata," which he'd said was a derogatory Igbo word for slave.
As many victims of domestic violence know, this didn't all happen over night, but it nonetheless happened. While there were what could be signs of trouble while over the course of the next year, it wasn't until after the birth of my son that the real serious emotional and physical abuse began. However, this abuse continues because I made the choice to birth our son rather than abort him as Chime requested. Now it seems that Chimezie Ogbuji has begun a mission to destroy my life, my family, and me. Why blog about it in the public? Because I'm tired of being ashamed and feeling like a helpless victim. It has been over 10 years since we lived together and 11 since we had anything resembling a relationship, yet Chimezie Ogbuji cannot behave like an adult and act in the best interest of our child. His only son.
I have decided speak out to the world, even if no ones cares or is listening. I'm tired of being ashamed of my family, my life, the truth. Chimezie Ogbuji has relied on my shame and my silence to protect him from the truth. He is a liar, a cheater, and a womanizer. He pretends to be a man that he nowhere near resembles in truth. I will no longer be his victim. The only way I can continue to live is to learn to heal and fight back. I will no longer give this Chimezie Ogbuji power over me through his silence. I will no longer be his victim.
I have tried everything possible to ensure that Chimezie Ogbuji had a healthy relationship with his son. To the best of my knowledge, he had never physically hurt him. However, Chime failed to maintain a consistent relationship with his son and blamed it on me. Now he seeks full custody of the child and doesn't understand why his son has chosen to live anywhere but with him. He and his attorney have harassed me and my family under the guise of wanting to do what is best for our son. If he wants to do what is best for his son, why is he harassing me rather than spending time with his son who is today minutes away from him at the home of HIS parents?
I'm writing this because it makes me feel better on sleepless nights like tonight.
I hate Chimezie Ogbuji for making me feel like garbage by virtue of my birth.
I hate Chimezie Ogbuji for beating and harassing me incessantly when he should have been the one to protect and shield me.
I hate Chimezie Ogbuji for his neglect and failure to protect our son.
I hate Chimezie Ogbuji for continuing to harass me and my family.
I hate Chimezie Ogbuji for saying that he hopes the child I am carrying by my current husband dies.
I HATE Chimezie Ogbuji because he is a fraud and a fake.
Chimezie Ogbuji, you can no longer shield yourself from the truth behind the shame I have carried for having been a victim of years of abuse. That shield and that shame no longer exists.
